# Workplace Jokes By:: [[Brian Heath]] 2023-04-01 As it is April Fools Day, here are some of my favorite modern workplace jokes: * You should act like an owner because we gave you some shares. Punchline: Your ownership stake rounds to zero unless you measure it at 4 or more decimal points. * We can fire you without notice, but we expect you to give us at least two weeks' notice if you choose to leave. * We are a family, but we just replaced grandma with a robot and fired your brother because we spent too much on snacks. * Meetings are how we get work done. * You can innately trust management and the executive team. * Organizations know what they are doing. * Retirement. * As a leader and employee, you are empowered to make decisions. * 2% merit and cost-of-living raises. * Stock options that require you to give your company money to buy those shares at a "discount." * Human resources cares about you as a human being. * Nonsolicit agreements. * If you put in the time, you'll see the rewards as the best always rise to the top. How many did I miss? Too soon? #### Related Items [[Jokes]] [[Work]] [[Business]] [[Organizational Analytics]] [[Metamodernism]]