# Where's My Donut By:: [[Brian Heath]] 2025-02-08 In business, interactions with consultants can often be a double-edged sword. They bring fresh perspectives and expertise, yet sometimes, they overstep boundaries without genuinely grasping what it takes to implement meaningful change. Recently, I found myself in such a situation. A team of consultants had been brought in to help streamline certain processes. However, it quickly became evident that their approach was more about imposing their pre-packaged solutions than understanding our unique challenges. It was as if they were trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, ignoring the nuances that made our organization tick. Recognizing this disconnect, it was time for a candid conversation. I stated clearly and firmly without confusion: "You can work against or with us, but if we collaborate, we all stand to win." It was an invitation to partnership rather than opposition—a call to align our lenses and create a shared reality where success was mutual. But it also laid out the battleground for any future wars and I did not fear the fight. This straightforward approach significantly shifted the dynamics. The consultants backed off from their rigid stance and began treating me with newfound respect—as if I had suddenly become the boss in the room. Their gesture of bringing donuts the next day symbolized their willingness to mend fences and show solidarity. At that moment, I declined the donut with a smile, saying I'd have one later. It wasn't about the pastry; it was about setting a tone of camaraderie and mutual respect. Later, when I approached them jokingly, asking, "Hey, where is my donut?" They immediately jumped up to get me one. The shift from indifference to deference was striking. This experience highlights several important lessons about business dynamics: 1. **Power of Language:** The words we choose can build bridges or erect barriers. Speaking plainly and inviting collaboration can transform adversarial relationships into partnerships. 2. **Understanding People:** It's crucial to recognize the motivations and frames of those one works with. By aligning our lenses, we create a shared reality that fosters cooperation. 3. **Standing Firm:** Sometimes, standing up for what you believe in—while remaining open to dialogue—can earn you respect and reshape power dynamics. 4. **Humor and Humanity:** Injecting humor and humanity into interactions can diffuse tension and build rapport. It's not always about being serious; sometimes, it's about being authentic. 5. **Change Takes Time:** Meaningful change isn't about quick fixes or pre-packaged solutions; it's about understanding an organization's intricacies and working together towards common goals. In business, as in life, it's essential to navigate relationships thoughtfully—balancing firmness with flexibility and authority with approachability. After all, we're all in this together, even if it takes a donut (or two) to remind us of that fact. #### Related Items [[Business]] [[Relationships]] [[Power]] [[Consulting]] [[Language]] [[Change]] [[Thinking]] [[Humor]] [[Strategy]]