# No Longer Pretending By:: [[Ross Jackson]] 2024-03-25 Social situations often call for some amount of pretending. Being with friends or family might entail pretending to be having a good time. Working often entails pretending that one is interested, engaged, and positive. Pretending, whatever the context, is fatiguing. No matter how well one does it, pretending requires a mental effort that is ultimately draining. Perhaps one can never totally irradicate pretending in life. Maybe pretending is something that can only be reduced but never eliminated. Success, however one defines it, probably includes a reduction in the amount of time one is required to pretend. One can be more authentic. There are situations in which the extremes of a spectrum are more alike than either extreme is like the middle. For example, many erroneously say love is the opposite of hate. Love and hate are both extreme feelings that can generate many of the same physical manifestations. The opposite of hate is not love; it is indifference. Indifference is also the opposite of love. People outside or not looking to advance within the system do not need to, and often don’t, pretend. They are commonly marginalized. The system accepts the lack of pretending of marginalized individuals. The system will allow those at the top to stop pretending. Only the extremes have this freedom. Those in the middle are expected to conform and pretend. The payoff offered is the potential for incremental advancement within the system. Play for pay. Ideally, all would be free to cultivate their interests and themselves without pressure to conform or pretend. There is some space for this as people pursue various hobbies, but these are expected to be pursued at the margins of one’s existence rather than define it. What people do matters. How one spends one’s time matters. Pretending wastes one’s existence as it wastes time to cultivate one’s authentic self. We have been enculturated to pretend. It is often valued but seldom respected. One knows the value of pretending because they are often paid to do so. Few people recognize the cost. If they did, they would no longer be pretending. #### Related Items [[Society]] [[Pretending]] [[Work]] [[Love]] [[Hatred]] [[Existential]]